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Rbreb13
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BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.

FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.

ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward

ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.

FAULT: Improper bladder control.

ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house

training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.

FAULT: Glass empty.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.

FAULT: You have fallen over backward.

ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.

FAULT: You have fallen forward.

ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.

FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of

face.

ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.

FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.

ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.

FAULT: You are being carried out.

ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.

FAULT: Bar has closed.

ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender.

SYMPTOM: Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and

textures.

FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal

limitations.

ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.

FAULT: You are dancing on the table.

ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.

FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.

ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.

FAULT: You have been in a fight.

ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was

them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room

you're in.

FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.

ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.

FAULT: The beer is too weak.

ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.

FAULT: Beer is just right.

ACTION: Play air guitar.

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Nice ones, Rb. Those are funny.

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MORE:

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell

the same boring story over and over again until your friends

want to smash your head in.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe

that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at

4:00 AM.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay

shings like thish.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering

what happened to your pants.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll

over in the morning and see something really scary (whose

species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of

inexplicable rug burns on the forehead and knees.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may create the illusion

that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really,

really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe

you are invisible.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to think

people are laughing with you.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in

the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)

gaps of time may seem to disappear.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may actually cause

pregnancy.

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MORE:

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell

the same boring story over and over again until your friends

want to smash your head in.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe

that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at

4:00 AM.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay

shings like thish.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering

what happened to your pants.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll

over in the morning and see something really scary (whose

species and/or name you can't remember).

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of

inexplicable rug burns on the forehead and knees.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may create the illusion

that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really,

really big guy named Chuck.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe

you are invisible.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may lead you to think

people are laughing with you.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in

the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)

gaps of time may seem to disappear.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may actually cause

pregnancy.

WARNING, the consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in

the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large)

gaps of time may seem to disappear.

I belive that in my younger days that this happened quite often since I cant remember what has happened from age 21 till present day! :evil

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Those are good. This is kinda off subject but tonght at work we found these goggles called DWeyes. They are so cool. You put them on and your vision is so distorted it is like you drank the whoile 30 pack. We all put a pair on and tried to work with them, I almost fell of ladder and ran into several walls. I gotta find a pair to buy on the net!

Edited by [COD]1HellUVAShot
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1HellUVAShot,Dec 10 2003, 05:28 AM] Those are good. This is kinda off subject but tonght at work we found these goggles called DWeyes. They are so cool. You put them on and your vision is so distorted it is like you drank the whoile 30 pack. We all put a pair on and tried to work with them, I almost fell of ladder and ran into several walls. I gotta find a pair to buy on the net!

Those things are great! I used those for demonstrations at my old job. I actually tried driving (on a closed course!) with those things on! It really is harder than the real thing! :huh: hmmm, maybe this is why I dont have that job anymore? :angry::)

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Actually, they are under the table.

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